Judd Karn Worshipper, Jason Hatfield
Entertainment Editor

Hello reader of the Diablo Dispatch, I’m Jason Hatfield.

 I would like to preface this article by explaining to the reader why and how this article was made. 

I wrote this article because it felt necessary, and when you read it, you’ll know why. Who would write about Judd Karn? Would the legend of Judd go unnoticed? NO, I couldn’t possibly let that happen.

Being such an important person, it felt essential for me to create this article. How did I do it? Meticulous observation dating back to September 1st, 2005. Hidden cameras were placed throughout Judd’s favorite hang out places including but not limited to:

Judd’s house

Judd’s School

Jack In The Box (The one next to Dairy Queen)

The play structure at Chuck E Cheese’s

The dark alley by that one Taco Bell in Des Moines

And the entire state of Pennsylvania

With all of these places, and many, many more being tracked, I was equipped with enough information to be able to attempt to do this article justice.

 

Judd Karn Review

Judd Karn is a student at Mission Viejo high school who’s biggest passions are finance and being mean to Jason Hatfield.

 Judd refuses to watch Jason’s videos and then decides to go to Canada just to avoid him. The videos are funny but Judd refuses. 

Judd is also less than studious as he always finishes English homework in Journalism class. Worst of all, he deletes my amazing edits to our article that we (in actuality I) made because they “don’t make sense.” 

Because of this and much more, Judd gets a 2/10. 

Score: 2/10

 

Judd Karn Re-Review:

I think I was too harsh with my last review. 

Me and Juddy Poo were going through a rough patch in our complex relationship and I didn’t see him for his true self. I wrote the previous article out of pure spite and that was wrong. 

If I could review myself back then, I’d give myself a negative one thousand for how mean I was to Judson Kardagan. 

Enough about me though, this review is about Judd and how amazing he is. Juddle-bug is smart, he is very helpful. He is friendly and is great for moral support. He’s super hot and I kind of have a crush on him. 

For all of this I’m giving Juddadiah Karnashian a 1, not a 1/10 but just a 1, which may seem shocking, but it’s because he’s my one and only, my true #1.

Re-Review Final Score: 1

Judd concurs

 

The Judd Karn Story:

There are many things that could be said about Juddidiah Kmith, but one thing that will certainly be known is that he has impeccably good looks.

Juddalilah was born on September 1st in 2005 to parents that existed. One was a Canadian Musician and the other was one who we do not speak about.

Judd Judd Banks talks about the difficulty of being born to a Canadian father, “You know, it’s really hard to have any self respect when no matter where you are, you know you have a glaring problem. You’re half Canadian. It would be better if I was fully Canadian, because I could live a life of ignorant bliss, but now I know that I’m Canadian and it’s a scar that I’ve been trying to hide. But that’s just how it is, eh? Oh no, not again, I can’t keep hiding it.”

Juddlebug is single (shockingly) and much of that could be blamed on how passionate he is on his own self improvement. The dude finances like no other, it’s a sight to see.

He also edits videos for Youtubers as well. Some of his favorite videos he’s edited are “Amoungus Sexy Time,” “Free Robux Tutorial (NOT CLICKBAIT!1!!!!11),”  and “The History of the Qin Dynsasty part 3” 

Juddtstin Keiber is very smart. At this very moment, he’s probably taking notes (nerd). He draws really small to save the trees, particularly the maple trees (Because he’s Canadian, because Canadians like Maple Syrup, Canadians, Eh?).

Juddifer Karnance likes to let his romantic side out from time to time. He likes to send notes to classmates to tell them how much he cares about them, particularly to Brayden Joanis (Who he calls Brady Boo).

To end this story, I’ll share Juddy Karnan’s very own song he wrote in one of his notes:

Brady Boo

It’s only you

I speak nothing

But the truth

You are my light

In the night

I just can’t keep

Up this fight

Brady Hun

You’re tons of fun

We’ll walk the beach

With the setting sun

What else can I say to you?

Brady Boo I’m in love with you!

 

Judd is open for interviews at tutorials anytime.

 

The Tenth Annual Judd Karn Twerk Off/ Chili Cook Off!!!

Get ready ladies and  gentlemen, it’s that time of year again!

 Get out your chili and your short shorts and come out to Aurora Park at 1:00 PM on May 7th for the all ages festival that celebrates Judd Karn’s two favorite things (outside of finance); twerking and cooking chili!  Cook some chunky chili (yummy!) and twerk that chunky dumper (yummier!). Best part, Judd will do his infamous Juddle Joust where he’s doused in brobdingnagain amounts of chili con carne (the most yummy!). 

 Don’t miss the white chicken chili slip n’ slide or the chili verde fondue fountain! Scroll down for a sneak peak!