By: Lydia Curry
Single You is the Best You™
We all love it when we’ve got somebody… don’t lie to yourself. Humans need outside validation in order to feel good about themselves, especially considering the fact that love is a necessity for humans.
Think about what the human brain can do: how it thinks about itself and how complex and diverse humans are in attitude, learning, and personalities. You can’t honestly think this just came about through “science.”
Anyways, if you’re reading this article, you failed cuffing season.
But, don’t worry I’m about to break down the best way to be single because being single is fun if you REALLY put your mind to it.
Step #1… Throw Yourself A Pity Party
Not the Melanie Martinez song.
It’s important to know that you can cry, Diablos. Even the toughest deserve their moments.
I recommend a sobbing playlist that you can find on any music streaming service or some artists that I guarantee will make you cry like XXXtentacion, Billie Eilish, Post Malone and Lana Del Rey. Now, break out your snapchat, snap a pic of your favorite playlist, then put a broken heart emoji as the caption and you are now complete.
Don’t worry you’re doing great, sweetie :).
Step #2… Think About It
So, if you were to think about it, you’ll soon realize that being single is fun. No waking up to stupid good morning texts and most importantly NO validation from another human being.
This may sound bad right now, but you have to realize you’re not being held down by some deadweight girlfriend or boyfriend anymore. Congratulations you’ve lost 120-170 pounds. Easiest workout ever.
Step 3… Stop It! Get Some Help!
Now, don’t think about being single too much or you’ll become a depressed Gen Z kid and fit the stereotype, so you need to break free! You can’t be single alone, even though that’s what single means.
Remember humans NEED interaction to SURVIVE. So call up your three friends that still like you and be with them to distract you from the fact that you hate yourself :).
Step 4… Recovery (From Being Single, Not Drugs)
Now that you’ve gotten your help, it’s time to recover :’(. It’s been a long ride, but you’re finally ready to get out of the car, park, and begin the long road to recovery.
You’re done crying in the club. You can now hop off the depressed, dying horse, cowboy. You got this, chief!!1!!1!
Step 5… Acceptance (It’s Okay Not To Have A Man, But Get One)
So now that you have accepted your singleness, it’s time to relapse.
We need men (or women) for validation so get one soon, sis.
He is the only one who can save you cause you’re a princess and you need rescuing; I mean, you have to put your sandwich making skills to use somehow.
And boys, you need a woman to do your laundry, help you stay on top of your grades, clean your room, make you dinner and watch you sit on the bench during your basketball games.
And girls, you don’t need a job because now you’re getting married 🙂
But, if you want stay single stay single. Because using people to fill the empty void in your heart is wrong and don’t be that person, Diablos! Just don’t. :)))