Bye Bye Books…Mission to Ban All Books in Library
All the books that reside within Mission Viejo High’s library have been placed under a very serious ban and are completely forbidden to both students and staff members.
After several months of raging discourse from Mission Viejo civilians, the Saddlecrack Valley Unified district has listened to viral criticisms and deemed all books within the Mission Viejo High library to be despicable, inappropriate, and unnecessary for education; Permanently banning the distribution and withholding of books in general.
Mission Viejo High students have been protesting the offensive presentation of books for quite some time, now. President and founder of the Mission Viejo High anti-book club, Page HateBook, claimed that, “The ban of books is long overdue, and it’s so sad that it took this long.”
Hatebook continued to say, “Everyone’s collected efforts against books really emphasizes the progression of our schools priorities.”
The anti-book club was established by Ms. Hatebook as of August 2021, and she quickly convinced a vast majority of the Mission Viejo High population to join after she exposed the crude nature of books.
Hatebook’s complaints against books involve the sharpness of the paper within books, that pose an evident threat towards human skin, and most importantly, the addictiveness of books.
During Hatebook’s first anti-book campaign, she asserted, “Students can spend days to years reading books. This makes them as addictive, and unsafe as a drug.”
She continued to ask, “Why is Mission Viejo High providing drug access to students?” Hatebook’s controversial arguments eventually served as the driving factor of the book ban, and many argue that she single handedly coerced the Saddlecrack District into finally ridding itself of books.
Vice president of the anti-book club, Ill Literate, recently spoke in place of Ms. Hatebook during a honorary speech acknowledging the book ban, after Ms. Hatebook suffered from an intense papercut while removing books from the Mission library.
Ill Literate began his remarkable speech stating, “There’s, like, no need for books.”
After an anonymous audience member asked “Why,” Ill Literate thoroughly explained, “Well, there’s phones now, duh.”
Although the ban on books in Mission Viejo High incited a mass spread victory amongst all Mission Viejo citizens, a great tragedy soon followed.
Page Hatebook’s papercut proved fatal, and she passed away just after Ill Literates’ celebration speech. At her final moments, it has been said that Ms. Hatebook murmured the words, “My death will mark the beginning of the anti-book revolution.”
During a commemoration held to honor Hatebook, Ill Literate, now president of the anti-book club, said “It sucks that she died, but now we must turn the page..no pun intended.” Ill Literate continues to grieve, but is determined to finish what Hatebook started.
Hatebook’s legacy still manages to inspire people to advocate against books, and her death was considered a major turning point for the anti-book club and their supporters.
Mission Viejo High’s anti-book club has spread infectiously, and now, is the most popular club in not only Mission, but other schools as well. It’s unclear whether or not the book ban will advance further than just a ban in the future, and perhaps, the elimination of all books is soon to come.
This is an April Fools’ article.