SaddleCrack School District switching to AI Teachers

The way of the future is officially here, and human teachers are gone with the past.

The 21st century is starting to look more and more like a science fiction film everyday, and our school is no exception to these changes. SaddleCrack School District has released a statement including plans for AI teachers and teacher assistants to be introduced into schools early in the 2024 school year. And the best part? Mission Viejo High School will be the first school to be equipped with these machines.

     While these robots are still in the testing phase, engineers have told school staff that things are looking promising. These AI teachers will be capable of doing everything our old fashioned human teachers do and more.         

     Once finished, these teachers will be able to automatically scan classrooms in search of cheating in the matter of  seconds. The teachers will also have access to the answer of any question in the world, meaning students will never have to be confused in class again. Along with these features, grading will also be much faster, with the robots having the ability to grade papers and tests automatically,  according to a grading system ingrained in their coding.

     There are some concerns as to job loss for current human teachers, many of which are valid. It is true that many teachers will lose their jobs to these robots, and it’s probable that eventually human teachers will be no more. But, at the end of the day, the most important thing is the education of future generations. Because these robo-teachers are equipped with all the knowledge in the world, they will objectively make better teachers than meager humans. 

     SaddleCrack has also assured teachers currently employed under the district that they will be graciously compensated for their removal from the school. A whopping $20 check will be provided to every human teacher to ease the transition from having a stable paycheck to being jobless citizens. 

     Our very own journalism teacher, Mr. McCormack, is very enthusiastic about the situation, stating that “I’m incredibly excited for the introduction of AI teachers, even if I lose my job. Besides, with that $20 check, I can finally buy eggs again!”

     Along with concerns of current employees, some argue that the human connection between students and teachers will be completely destroyed with the introduction of these AI teachers. However, these claims are completely false, as these robots have been specifically programmed to be incredibly life-like, in a way some even describe to be “eerie”. But, rest assured that the rapidly approaching robo-teachers are completely safe for students, and definitely not terrifying to small children. There have also been no incidents similar to The Terminator, none at all. These are totally safe, and pose no threat to students or staff, of course. All that bogus about one of the robots incinerating an engineer with a surprise laser is completely made up…right?

     Anyway, these new robo-teachers are sure to be a wonderful addition to our school, and we are ready to welcome them with open arms. Say your farewells to your favorite human teachers, because the way of the future is coming soon, and they won’t be in it!

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Aubrey Bertino
Aubrey Bertino
Aubrey Bertino is a staff writer for the Diablo Dispatch. She enjoys drawing, the Muppets, Star Wars, and listening to music.

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