Megan Leboff
Staff Writer

Some say it’s foolish to think your high school relationship will last forever, but follow these expert relationship hacks, and they most definitely will.


  • Buy your significant other gifts

When I say gifts, I do NOT mean anything cheesy. Don’t give them little notes, or paper mache tokens of your appreciation. I’m talking about REAL gifts; the ones that cost at least 25 dollars. Don’t have enough money? Get a job. Sacrifice time to spend with your partner, for something they really care about: gifts. In fact, according to science, it is 98.76% likely that if you don’t spend all your money on your partner, that they will lose interest in you. So don’t risk it, and buy your way into their heart.

  • Talk about your exes

Nobody wants a partner who keeps their exes a secret. So what I suggest, talk about your ex all the time. In fact, it should be the main topic of discussion at least 87 percent of the time. If you don’t talk about your ex, It leaves your partner to assume that you are hiding something. So to prove you aren’t still in love with your ex, talk about them to your partner as much as you can.

  • Show your partner that you don’t make mistakes

Nobody wants to date someone who makes mistakes. In fact, it’s our mistakes that make us ultimately unlovable. So in order to counter that, just don’t make mistakes. But what do you do if you make a mistake? It’s simple, just convince your partner that you didn’t. And for bonus points, make your partner think they are the one who made the mistake. Yes, some people might think that that’s “gaslighting” and “a toxic, unhealthy thing to do” but in reality, it’s the healthiest thing you can do. Everyone knows that if you make a mistake, you get dumped. So in order to make your relationship last, convince them that they are the ones who made the mistake. And the guilt you make your partner feel, will end up being the very glue that will hold your relationship together.

  • Communication is NOT key

One common misconception is that communication is the foundation on which a relationship is built. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. To talk about your problems in a relationship, is to acknowledge their very existence, and everyone knows a good relationship should have zero problems. So if you have a problem with an aspect of your relationship, do NOT talk about it with your partner. If anything, it’s probably your fault anyway, so my advice: ignore it until it goes away. 

 

This is an April Fools’ article.