The Masterpieces of Hollywood
A compilation of the holy grails of cinema and why they are so amazing.
Hey guys it’s me, your one and only source for good movie opinions and today I am going to be counting down the top 10 greatest movies of all time, so without further ado, let’s get started.
#10 – Dune (1984)
Starting off the list we have Dune from 1984 (no not the terrible one from 2021), although it may not have the greatest story, based around a terrible book, it does have best-in-class visual effects, I mean Return of the Jedi came only a year before this masterpiece and the visual effects in that movie looked like they were made by a child in comparison to this movie. It only makes sense that the director, David Lynch, chose to direct this over Return of The Jedi.
The good thing about this movie is that it decides to put together the entire ~600 page book into one movie, which is the proper way for it to be done. I do not know why Dune (2021) decided to split the movie in two, it was not like that was necessary and this was easily seen by the 1984 movie.
To be frank, I am not even sure why they made Dune (2021) when the CGI in the 1984 version looked substantially better and it was condensed to a 2 hour 17 minute movie with perfect pacing instead of two 2 hour 35 minute movies that had, from my viewing of the first, all over the place pacing. Stupid move Legendary Pictures. Stupid move.
#9 Space Buddies
Talking dogs in space. Need I say more?
But in all seriousness Space Buddies has to be the best movie released in 2009. For one thing, how did they get those dogs to talk? That must have taken years of training for them to do that. I really like how even after the eight movies they keep making the series creative, like dogs in space, how do they come up with this stuff?
The movie is also the funniest I’ve seen, featuring a wide range of fart jokes, mostly done by comedic genius Josh Flitter as Butterball. The comedic timing is perfect, the jokes are well executed, the entire time I was laughing out loud.
#8 Camp Cool Kids
More of an indie film, Camp Cool Kids was directed by Lisa Arnold and covers a child conquering his fears at a summer Bible camp. This movie features everything: action, adventure, horror, fantasy, romance, along with many many more twists and turns. And somehow, this movie manages to pull it off.
With a shoe-string budget the movie is still able to encapsulate all the fear that is in the protagonist, Spencer’s, mind at the climactic moments through world class CGI and cinematography.
#7 The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
The Incredible Melting Man is the keystone of 1970s horror and gives viewers that nostalgic ‘70s feel to it that fans have come to love about the film. The special effects in the future are not world class but really good for the $250,000 ($1.5 million with inflation) budget it was given.
The film is a display of how a director can work with a shoestring budget to make something that rivals the greats, and is considered one of the greats.
#6 Troll 2 (1990)
With a bigger budget and a more ambitious story, Troll 2 succeeds in the points where The Incredible Melting Man was a little lacking. Even though the director, Claudio Fragrasso, could not speak English, his inventive methods made up for it. He would give the scripts to the actors day of to let the actors improvise and truly take up their roles. He and another Italian also wrote the script in their native tongue and had it translated afterwards by a producer.
George Hardy, who plays the dad in the movie, was the star in this film but for some reason other productions did not see his talent, so sadly he had to go back to the dentist industry. And that is how the rest of the amazing talents ended up, seeing as the film was initially snubbed at the Oscars and then only until later found out by critics around the world.
#5 Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
To take a break from the sci-fi masterpieces we have Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2. The second installment of the six movie epic provides thrilling action, a gut-wrenching plot, and perfect comedic timing. Like many of the other masterpieces mentioned, this was a box office bomb.
But years later it had been found by true movie lovers; a critic named Austin Gianino called this movie, “ [The] greatest movie of 2004. The ending left me in tears, it’s such a beautiful work of art. The underlying metaphors and similes were deeper than the Mariana Trench!”. And he is right, this is the most literary complex of the bunch, with a single page of the book rivaling the literary complexity of H. G. Wells’ entire oeuvre (for the plebians who do not know the definition of this word, it means the entire collection of an artist).
The great thing about this movie is that they built the story so that you did not have to see the first one in order to understand the second, similar to that of Back to The Future, but better executed.
#4 Who Killed Captain Alex?
Now we’re getting into the big leagues: Who Killed Captain Alex? was the first Ugandan blockbuster created, and it came out swinging. To sum up the movie, Captain Alex, the #1 Ugandan soldier, is called upon by the President to go on a mission to kill the Tiger Mafia; he dies and his brother investigates his death. The movie was directed, shot, edited, and written by one person, the now legendary Nabwana Isaac Godfrey Geoffrey. Combine this with VJ Emmie’s witty narration and you have the formula for a film that ranks up there with the greatest, especially considering its $200 budget.
#3 Plan 9 From Outer Space
The writer-producer-director Ed Wood faced many many hardships throughout the making of this film but ended up pulling through in the end, creating the third best movie ever made. The film is about the US trying to stop aliens, who plan to conquer the world through resurrecting the dead, and had to deal with resurrecting the dead on set as well. Bela Lugosi, who played a vital character, died before the film finished filming and thus they had to have a stand-in for every scene other then the silent intro.
As for the actual movie, the sets are world class, the visual effects too, and it makes for an all around cohesive and insane yet grounded story.
#2 The Birdemic
Taking large amounts of inspiration from Hitchcock’s The Birds, The Birdemic successfully puts a creative twist on it and turns Hitchcock’s great movie into a perfect one.
The Birdemic took an aggressive approach with casting, plucking people that had never acted before/had barely done any work, and it worked out, you could feel the true fear and love of the two main characters, Rod (Alan Bagh) and Nathalie (Whitney Moore).
What makes this movie perfect is director James Nguyen’s shot on video feel that he gives the movie. It does not seem like it would enhance the movie but during my watchtime I felt it made the movie different, and better than The Birds.
Honorable Mention: 2001: A Space Odyssey
2001: A Space Odyssey has some great key parts, but it comes short of the top 10 due to its subpar visual effects, especially for the time, mediocre cinematography, and the amount of things happening at one (way too many). What saves this movie from obscurity though is the masterful pacing, plot and fighting choreography of the movie. When in the climax of the movie you are on the edge of your seat as the spaceship gets ready to crash into planet Kepler 22b and the protagonist and antagonist fight it out to the death. Sadly, even with this stellar climax the film does not make the cut, the cinematography is just too shoddy and the visual effects are barely passable.
#1 The Room
What can I say that has not already been said? It is THE perfect movie.
The commitment Tommy Wiseau has as a director, writer, producer, and actor is beyond any other person on Earth and that is seen through his magnum opus, honestly this should be called the new magnum opus. Instead of saying someone’s magnum opus you should say someone’s The Room.
People have often compared Ed Wood, creator of Plan 9 From Outer Space, to Tommy Wiseau and I can see why, Wiseau and Wood share that same creative spark needed to be a cinematic genius of their caliber.
The Room is in a class of its own as it improves on the ideas of Wood’s prolific film career and successfully makes a perfect romance movie.
This is an April Fools’ article.