Mr. Zides Mistaken for Chinese Spy Balloon

     Mission Viejo High School’s very own assistant principal, Michael Zides, was shot down last weekend after being mistaken as a spy balloon. Yes, everybody’s favorite attention attracting staff member and renowned Eminem impersonator had his white, hot air balloon shot down while on a romantic outing with his wife.

     After winning a large sum of money from hours at a poker table, Mr. Zides decided to treat his wife to the perfect date night. So, he canceled his weekly salsa dance class and booked the most intimate and romantical activity he could think of hot air balloon and wine tasting.

     Saturday, March 4 is when tragedy struck. It was a beautiful weekend afternoon, and Mr. Zides had meticulously planned every detail of his special night, down to acquiring Mrs. Zides’ favorite wine, a 1992 Chateau Poisson D’avril, and making sure to bring a huge camera to capture all the special moments. He was very excited to feature them on his Facebook to make all the other middle-aged couples jealous.

     The couple took off at 5:30 pm into the sky in their monstrous, white air balloon. They commenced with popping open some wine and indulging in only the finest of dining. Such dining included uncrustables, fruit by the foot, and, a personal favorite of Mr. Zides’, those Scooby Doo gummy snacks.

     So far the date was going flawlessly, but little did they know down below citizens feared over what the suspicious white ball in the air with a massive camera was.

     A flood of 911 calls poured in from local farmers. They speculated the intentions of the balloon and whether they could shoot it down. Aliens? Weather balloon? CHINESE SPY BALLOON? No one would ever assume it was a loving husband treating his wife to a high altitude wine tasting experience because, well, a spouse that thoughtful is unheard of these days.

     Finally, after thorough investigation, it was ordered for the U.S. Air Force to shoot down the potential threat. At 6:45 that Saturday night, Mr. and Mrs. Zides were shot down. The massive balloon exploded in a fiery blaze and the couple plummeted down, along with it, their hopes of enjoying the rest of their night out. 

     After the balloon was hit, the mistake was soon realized. Everyone was terrified to see their favorite vice principal/international phenomenon, Michael Zides and his wife fall to their possible demise. Then the most miraculous, incredible thing happened.

     Many underestimate the power of Zides’ mind and sheer awesomeness. When I said that he planned every detail, I mean EVERY detail. Mid-freefall Mr. Zides grabs his wife, reaches deep in his pocket and pulls out a pair of aviator sunglasses. He puts them on and pulls a string from under his jacket. A parachute ejects and carries them down to safety.

     People cheered and celebrated. The rejoicing could be heard for miles. It has gone down as the single-handedly most epic and joyous event in human history. 

     This memorable date night gone wrong will not be soon forgotten. And even though the situation of Zides being mistaken for a Chinese spy balloon could be seen as incredibly comical, this tragedy is not a laughing matter. Mr. and Mrs. Zides not only had their picture perfect night go way south, but they also had to endure a truly terrifying experience. 

     It may seem that nothing could shake this astonishingly brave and swagger dude, but that fateful night has definitely taken somewhat of an emotional toll on everyone’s favorite icon. When asked about the event, Mr. Zides reflects, “I’ve never been scared a day in my life, but I’ll never forget that day.” “It was very traumatic and I will probably have to start seeing someone professionally to get over it,” he said.

   There is now a gofundme to raise money to help get Zides the psychological attention needed to get over this experience. Contact Michael Zides to get the link and additional information about it.

     So if anyone who reads this article happens to run into the man himself, please praise him for his courageous actions and engage in some conversation with him. Also a compliment, for instance about his cool sunglasses, would work as well. Anything will help. Michael Zides is a lot like Tinkerbell, he needs applause and attention to live.

     

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