Mr. Zides Mistaken for Chinese Spy Balloon
Mission Viejo High School’s very own assistant principal, Michael Zides, was shot down last weekend after being mistaken as a spy balloon. Yes, everybody’s favorite attention attracting staff member and renowned Eminem impersonator had his white, hot air balloon shot down while on a romantic outing with his wife.
After winning a large sum of money from hours at a poker table, Mr. Zides decided to treat his wife to the perfect date night. So, he canceled his weekly salsa dance class and booked the most intimate and romantical activity he could think of hot air balloon and wine tasting.
Saturday, March 4 is when tragedy struck. It was a beautiful weekend afternoon, and Mr. Zides had meticulously planned every detail of his special night, down to acquiring Mrs. Zides’ favorite wine, a 1992 Chateau Poisson D’avril, and making sure to bring a huge camera to capture all the special moments. He was very excited to feature them on his Facebook to make all the other middle-aged couples jealous.
The couple took off at 5:30 pm into the sky in their monstrous, white air balloon. They commenced with popping open some wine and indulging in only the finest of dining. Such dining included uncrustables, fruit by the foot, and, a personal favorite of Mr. Zides’, those Scooby Doo gummy snacks.
So far the date was going flawlessly, but little did they know down below citizens feared over what the suspicious white ball in the air with a massive camera was.
A flood of 911 calls poured in from local farmers. They speculated the intentions of the balloon and whether they could shoot it down. Aliens? Weather balloon? CHINESE SPY BALLOON? No one would ever assume it was a loving husband treating his wife to a high altitude wine tasting experience because, well, a spouse that thoughtful is unheard of these days.
Finally, after thorough investigation, it was ordered for the U.S. Air Force to shoot down the potential threat. At 6:45 that Saturday night, Mr. and Mrs. Zides were shot down. The massive balloon exploded in a fiery blaze and the couple plummeted down, along with it, their hopes of enjoying the rest of their night out.
After the balloon was hit, the mistake was soon realized. Everyone was terrified to see their favorite vice principal/international phenomenon, Michael Zides and his wife fall to their possible demise. Then the most miraculous, incredible thing happened.
Many underestimate the power of Zides’ mind and sheer awesomeness. When I said that he planned every detail, I mean EVERY detail. Mid-freefall Mr. Zides grabs his wife, reaches deep in his pocket and pulls out a pair of aviator sunglasses. He puts them on and pulls a string from under his jacket. A parachute ejects and carries them down to safety.
People cheered and celebrated. The rejoicing could be heard for miles. It has gone down as the single-handedly most epic and joyous event in human history.
This memorable date night gone wrong will not be soon forgotten. And even though the situation of Zides being mistaken for a Chinese spy balloon could be seen as incredibly comical, this tragedy is not a laughing matter. Mr. and Mrs. Zides not only had their picture perfect night go way south, but they also had to endure a truly terrifying experience.
It may seem that nothing could shake this astonishingly brave and swagger dude, but that fateful night has definitely taken somewhat of an emotional toll on everyone’s favorite icon. When asked about the event, Mr. Zides reflects, “I’ve never been scared a day in my life, but I’ll never forget that day.” “It was very traumatic and I will probably have to start seeing someone professionally to get over it,” he said.
There is now a gofundme to raise money to help get Zides the psychological attention needed to get over this experience. Contact Michael Zides to get the link and additional information about it.
So if anyone who reads this article happens to run into the man himself, please praise him for his courageous actions and engage in some conversation with him. Also a compliment, for instance about his cool sunglasses, would work as well. Anything will help. Michael Zides is a lot like Tinkerbell, he needs applause and attention to live.
Dinosaur Fossil Find Shuts Down MVHS Campus
Mission Viejo High School will be closing for a year due to the recently discovered dinosaur bones at the farm.
In early December a Dinosaur fossil was found at Mission, since then there has been a team of paleontologists competing for the opportunity to excavate the site. The paleontologist and the date have been decided as of April 17.
While learning how to properly garden and plant, A freshman was collecting all the interesting rocks he found. He found one that was a strange color and was slightly pointed at one end. He loudly and jokingly exclaimed “Shark tooth!” His teacher, being annoyed with his behavior, took it from him and gasped. Everyone, unsure of what had happened, went silent.
She told him he may have been onto something, that it was not a shark tooth but maybe a dinosaur. The ‘rock’ was sent to a lab at UC Berkeley, where it was confirmed to be a Dinosaur fossil. However, it was unlike any they had seen before. Similar enough to know that it was a dinosaur, but different enough to know that it was not like any dinosaur that had been discovered.
The fossil was definitely from a new species. This new species was named The Stultusaurus – derived from a latin root. It was the first new species of dinosaur found in the last 12 years, the last being in 2010.
After this was confirmed researchers conducted a scan on the ag farm and were able to confirm at least 2 other dinosaurs are buried there, with all the rain recently they will be surfacing themselves slowly. It is incredibly rare for full dinosaur skeletons to be found, usually with floods and change in land, you will only find a partial skeleton.
With this newfound abundance of fossils the best paleontologists will be coming from around the world. Great archaeologist Howard Reginald IV, who has his PhD in Paleontology from Harvard University, and one of his good friends Malik Wasef, a renowned Near Eastern Archaeologist and PhD graduate from The University of Chicago, will be leaving his dig-site in Israel early in order to come to Mission.
Both Reginald and Wasef have discovered and solved several archaeological mysteries. The two of them will be co-leading the excavation along with their teams and some PhD students from Stanford, Harvard, and The University of Chicago.
Excavation of bones can take months because of the delicate brushing process to unearth the fossils and get them safely cleaned, examined and packaged to museums and buyers. For this period of time, we will have to find new education options. Some ideas are online academy and school choice. The online academy will be adding an elective where you can observe the excavation and even the opportunity to sort and clean fossils!
Howard Reginald was asked by critics how he feels about ruining senior year for the class of 2024 he empathetically replied, “ I do really feel bad for them, they missed some of their freshman year to the pandemic, and now this. I wish I could give them their last year of high school, but if we wait we will just be taking away another class’ senior year…I wish we could just stay at the farm but we need room for the labs and trailers that will have to be here, and who knows maybe we will find more fossils by the field or under the buildings.”
Because this is a new species with a full skeleton, a huge quantity of money has been sent to the school from museums and sponsors for the excavation. More money than is needed. So, Reginald and Wasef have decided to donate the money to the class of 2024, they feel bad that the students have to miss their senior year. Wasef when asked why he would donate so much money said,” My senior year was one of the most memorable times in my life: I had so much time to be with the people I loved, I started dating my wife, I got into my dream school and my parents still payed for everything”. Those choosing to go to college from the class of 2024 will have the opportunity to apply for scholarships up to $5,000 each.
When the Dinosaurs are finally excavated the fossils are expected to be presented at The Natural History Museum in LA by 2025. MVHS will keep a skull of one of the dinosaurs and there will be a small display built in the middle of the quad so that future attendees can see and learn all about this amazing discovery right here at Mission Viejo High School.
English is Not Red
To everyone who says that English is the color red… you are wrong. How can English possibly be red when it is clearly green? Red obviously belongs to math.
Scientific research from Brown University explains how colors can change your perspective on a topic. For example, red is associated with both love and anger. This ideology aligns with math because math can be both super easy and fun or the opposite. On the other hand, green represents peace, logical and conceptual elements. This is parallel to English because to do anything you first have to calmly read through the prompt and attempt to conceptually understand what to do. Afterward, using logic, you construct your essay. This even applies to reading; when reading logic is used to understand what the author is attempting to convey.
Yes, the argument that English can also cause love and anger is applicable. The difference is math is more constant in making people both happy and upset at the same time; English is always either you hate it or you love it. Also, math is commonly labeled as a difficult subject so it is labeled red.
Princeton export scolars also agree that English is a cooler color and blue is automatically eliminated because it belongs to science. This leaves both Green and Purple. Purple is associated with royalty which does not make any sense in the context of a subject.
The luxury of setting English as green is an improvement to overall English learning. Scientific research done in Harvard has recently discovered that frequent patterns can allow for a more focused and amazing state of mind. So, establishing this fact allows for better grades in all your subjects if you set them to their preferred colors.
The subject English is required to do all four years of high school while math is not. The outcome of English being green is creating a calm and more appealing atmosphere so that requirement feels more bearable. Many people truly enjoy math so they continue all throughout high school, but the red warns people what they are getting themselves into.
Many may call this argument “pointless” or “unnecessary.” But if this vital message is not made more known this can leave people in the dark about a very important topic to be educated in. When people don’t know the true color of English they may miscolor English which can cause the associated feeling to come with the subject. For example if English was orange (orange is associated with energy) people would not want to sit quietly for a class period to write essays but rather want to debate a topic or maybe just talk in general.
In conclusion, English is green and should remain green in all situations. And in no circumstance should math and English subject colors be switched because it may worsen your learning in those classes.
Circle Waffle Supremacy
Running late to school?… grab a waffle. To make an Eggo waffle all you need is a microwave or a toaster. The Eggo is an amazing waffle that comes in a variety of packs to fulfill every flavor craving you might have. Eggos are not the only example of circle waffles, to many people’s surprise, Belgian waffles come in circles as well, and taste better too.
Eggos do not only have to be informal; they can also be the opposite. For example, you can serve waffles that have layers of syrup, fruits, and butter stacked upon them. The brilliant Eggos also have both vegan and gluten-free waffles. These are very important alternatives because it makes them accessible to an array of people to also enjoy the delight of circle waffles.
Circle waffles don’t have to come in the form of Eggos but rather Belgian waffles as well. Although the majority of the time they come in awkward squares, they are still possible to enjoy as outstanding circles waffle.
Everyone who argues for square waffles always mentions that they are “easier to cut,” but this is simply not true. Both square and circle waffles have squares and lines going through the waffle. This permits both square and circle waffles to be cut in similar fashion.
Another argument that Squarists advocate is that square waffles are larger than circle waffles. Once again, this is not true. If you take a look at the most common recipe for each type of waffle it is clear that approximately there is more Eggo batter per Eggo compared to its counterpart: the square Belgian waffle.
In fact, the phenomenal circle shaped waffle can contribute to new and amazing creations– the pancake waffle. The pancake waffle is a groundbreaking new breakfast item. The combines both a pancake and a waffle by stacking them starting with a waffle on the bottom and one on top as well. Square waffles would look odd in the masterpiece of the pancake waffle. This is why it is traditionally served with circle waffles, making the whole dish ultimately better.
There are other recipes including circle waffles like fried chicken with waffles. This meal is amazing because it mixes the tastiest food item with a really important meal. This item is served during both lunch and dinner. It is served in a similar fashion to a taco; the fried chicken is inside a circular outside: once again, the circle waffle.
Round waffles can help have a less chaotic morning. After warming up your Eggo, you place it on a dish that is also circular because plates tend to round as well. Imagine that the waffle was square, and the disaster that would be caused when cutting the waffle. The whole plate could fall over, ruin your morning and maybe even your whole entire day.
If you have enough time, you might make waffles using a waffle maker. Trends show that waffle makers create stunning circle waffles. When making your very own waffle people often go for the Belgian waffle recipe. These waffles have a deeper divot which can improve with the presentation of a waffle– more syrup can be held on the waffle.
In conclusion, circle waffles are much better than square waffles in every possible way.
Ground breaks on the ‘Diablo Dome’ in June
At a recent County board meeting the mayors of each OC city had a vote to build Under Armour’s ‘Diablo Dome,’ a football/soccer dome shaped stadium that was proposed in 2021. The vote came out to 32 to 2 in favor of the construction, and with that J & J Architecture and several other architecture firms were delegated to constructing various parts of the stadium.
The construction for the project plans to begin in early June this year and should be finished in 2025, when finished it will have a 105,000 person capacity and three levels of parking underneath. It is planned to be an additional practice facility for the teams playing in the 2026 World Cup at SoFi Stadium. And, not only that, there’s also talks of relocating the LA Football Club to Orange County, renaming them the OCFC and holding their games at The Diablo Dome.
This stadium is going to be game-changing for Mission Viejo and all of southern Orange County, providing as a new hub for all things sports; UCI also plans on having their major football games at the stadium, and venue operator LiveNation has already had their eyes on having the Diablo Dome be the new destination for all major concerts in southern Orange County.
However, like many good things, the Diablo Dome does come with some downsides, academically that is. To make space for the dome and its parking, the tennis courts, baseball fields, swimming pool, performance art theater, portables, and small/big gym will all be demolished. Due to this demolition we will no longer have a music, theater, swim, volleyball, baseball, choir, basketball, or water polo program for the foreseeable future. Instead all of these listed athletic programs will be temporarily merged with and held at Laguna Hills High School. And, as for the VAPA programs, they will now be clubs until further notice, and the theater students will perform, like the athletes, at Laguna Hills High School.
To make room for these programs we will be building multiple more stories on top of all of the buildings, with a proposed 3-story 200 and 300 buildings, and the quad will be replaced by a new PAT/gym. If accepted, a decision that will be determined next week, the construction will be completed by 2027.
I bet this is sad for many students interested or involved with these activities, but it is a small price to pay for the Diablo Dome, which will drive hundreds of thousands of people to Mission Viejo. And, in the end, it will be a positive for the diablos, who get brand new bleeding-edge facilities and classrooms, and get discounted tickets to all events that are held at the Diablo Dome.
Mission unveils new cafeteria in collaboration with Starbucks
Our very own Mission Viejo High School is finally opening up an indoor cafeteria! And, even better, the cafeteria will be sponsored by Starbucks.
The administrative board noticed that students were sitting on grass and concrete, and found that “very unsanitary and inconvenient for all of you.” Therefore it was only obvious to create this place to sit off the ground, out of the heat and rain. We have the MPR for rainy days, but it fills up quickly and usually you are only able to sit on the carpet.
After much negotiation with Starbucks, the board and the coffee mega-conglomerate came to an agreement: they would happily provide the funds to construct a new cafeteria as long as the only food sold there was Starbucks. We happily took this offer, but to the dismay of the many students who depend on free lunch, our collaboration with Starbucks will no longer be eligible for the free lunch program. Instead students will have to pay the normal price of the food offered at the cafeteria. However, Starbucks has graciously given the students of Mission Viejo High School a rewards card, where you get a free drink after 10 purchases at the Starbucks Cafeteria.
Starbucks district manager of Orange County, Stella Buks, expressed her excitement about this project, “we hope this can not only be a cafeteria, but a place for students to thrive, study, and, overall, create a healthy learning environment. We are extremely excited to see the positive impact this can have on the students.”
Some parents have expressed concern about the potential conflicts of interest that may arise with this, prioritizing the interest of Starbucks over the necessities of the students, but despite this criticism both Starbucks and the District are committed to bringing this project to fruition. “We think of this as more of a philanthropic venture, if we sell a few coffees and sandwiches that’s great, but it’s more about creating that healthy learning environment and nourishing the youth with our healthy and nutritious food.”
Construction will begin during spring break and hopes to be finished when the new school year kicks off.
No more sitting on the wet grass and in the heat! In addition to this renovation, here are a few things you can look forward to: A drive through for all of our driving students, statues inside the cafeteria to appreciate all of our staff, and Starbucks merchandise. We hope you all enjoy this new cafeteria and treat it with respect. Let’s keep it clean and make sure we take care of this wonderful opportunity!
Tradition Never Graduates: Mission Signs Seventeen Athletes to Division 1 Schools
On February 1st twelve of our athletes had the honor of joining an exclusive group: the less than two percent who were given an offer to further their athletic career at a division 1 school due to their athletic achievement.
This date, February 1st, marks this year’s National Letter of Intent Signing Day. At Mission a ceremony is held for family, friends, and faculty to celebrate their athletic accomplishments, usually symbolized by them signing their Letter of Intent (although many have already signed it, so they instead sign a paper that has their name and the college they are going to be playing at on it.
Mission first began holding this ceremony in February of their 2010-11 school year, since then over 200 student-athletes have received athletic scholarships and celebrated through this ceremony.
This year’s ceremony began with Principal Osborne talking about the history of Signing Day and recognizing the difficulties the athletes went through to get where they are today, and then transitioned to Assistant Principal for Athletics, Mr. Lindsay saying a few words of his own and then introducing the athletes, accompanied by their respective college’s fight song, and conducting the majority of the rest of the ceremony.
This year the athletes recognized were Mission Viejo football’s defensive end Jonathan Becerra to Northern Arizona University, offensive lineman Cody Going, who is committed to University of San Diego, Cornerback Joseph Libutti to University of Central Florida, offensive lineman Brady Norton to California Polytechnic San Luis Obispo, linebacker Tommy Reese to Drake University, wide receiver Edward Shultz to California Polytechnic San Luis Obispo, volleyball’s middle blocker Chloe Karn to Abilene Christian University, libero Brookelyn Madland to Southern Virginia University, track & field’s Jada Gatlin to University of Southern California, Emily Psarras to University of Arizona, swim’s Joey Change to US Military Academy at West Point, and boys volleyball’s Josh Aruya to UC Santa Barbara.
Each student-athlete was called up to the stand and given time to give thanks to their friends, coaches, and families, and after this Mr. Lindsay finished up by thanking ASB President Lauren Hendrawen and thanked Monique Davidson, who he said was the only reason that the ceremony was possible. He left the audience, and the athletes, with some advice: to cherish their next four years in college; they will go by like that, but at the same time he stated to remember what is most important: focusing on your family and, especially, your parents, who have been an insurmountable contribution to their success.
Jada Gatlin: Jumping into USC Track and Field
Jada Gatlin, a senior at Mission Viejo High School, is a varsity athlete on the track and field team and a recent addition to USC’s class of 2027.
Jada’s journey in track and field began at the ripe age of 8. At the time, she was really nervous at track meets, not knowing that she would grow up to break one of the school’s records. However, as time went on, she ultimately grew to love the sport as she learned how to reach her full potential in track. She now participates in the 4×1, the 4×4, the 400m, the 200m, the long jump, and the triple jump.
Eventually, Jada worked her way up to being placed in the Junior Olympics not once, but four times. She placed second place twice and first place once in the long jump. Her hard work ultimately paid off in her junior year of high school when she broke the school record of 39 ft (set by Lisa Fager in 1990) in the triple jump with 40 ft 9 inches, earning her an athletic scholarship to be a part of USC’s track program.
Although track may seem like a very straightforward and easy sport, it can be physically and mentally challenging. Jada states that the hardest part of track is the practices that take place almost every day, as well as two track meets per week, especially murder Mondays. She says that “the workouts can be really hard sometimes and can be really draining, so it’s important to take both mental and physical breaks so you can continue doing your best and feeling good.”
What gets Jada through the practices on the track are her teammates and the people she meets along the way. Her teammates find a way to bring out her competitiveness and help encourage her to perform at her best every day. She loves meeting and talking to new people, which makes the environment at track much more enjoyable.
After graduating from Mission Viejo, Jada will be joining USC’s track and field team with an athletic scholarship. When asked about this achievement, she stated, “ I am very excited to go to USC [because] it is a great track program and I’m so proud I was able to get a scholarship there. It is a very good school, so it is a little intimidating, but I am mostly excited to continue doing track at the next level.”
Jada hopes that one day she’ll be able to work up to taking part in the long or triple jump in the Olympics. Her biggest dream is to be able to compete in the 2028 Olympics, which is taking place in Los Angeles so that her family and everyone she knows will be able to see her compete.
Her words of encouragement for anyone who wants to join track is that “there is an event for everyone to fall in love with. The people are so nice and encouraging and it is definitely a great team to be around.”
Crud Flood Brings Mud
From December 2022 to January 2023, California experienced 400-600% more rain than average, causing one of the worst storms in the last decade. In just two weeks, California received a year’s worth of rain all at once. Due to California’s dry climate, tons of rain is no less than overwhelming. President Joe Biden approved California’s disaster declaration request, and recovery efforts are being made to support areas harshly affected by the intense storms.
An abundance of rain and flooding is devastating to every environment; crops have been destroyed, wildlife dispersed, and homes washed away, with lakes in their place. The extensive rain caused flooding and triggered mudslides and rockfalls, affecting over half of the communities in Northern California and the bay area. Thousands of Californians have had to undergo evacuations due to the immense flooding, and there have been at least 19 fatalities from the storm, and more than 8 million are under flood alerts and mudslide risk.
This heavy rainfall has nowhere to drain efficiently, and the vast runoff on roads and off cliffs and hills causes landslides and creates waterways where the road should be. This is because most of California is paved over. California is home to some of the biggest and most populated cities in the United States, and its infrastructure is a massive contributor to flooding.
California’s pavement is hardly considered porous, so when a massive downpour is added to the equation, we get an overflow of water in inconvenient places. However, several major cities like Los Angeles are making efforts to collect rainwater more efficiently to prevent floods and preserve more water for later use such as during droughts. Los Angeles is forming stormwater capture programs, with goals to create more green spaces and dirt basins and to increase the use of permeable pavement in their infrastructure.